Sitting talking today to a good friend, a sister in Christ, we both sat and let out our cries within our heart. The deep pains of loneliness of being a stay home mom.
While we know it's such a blessing from Christ to be able to sit at home and be a mother to my 5 children, her to her one child. It's not something I take lightly I know all I do each day is for the glory of God. So please understand when a mom says she's lonely. It doesn't mean she doesn't know how blessed she is. Because we do. I know what an absolute treasure and privilege it is to be home and raising our kids and not letting strangers do it. We know we are so very blessed our husbands can support our families so we can be at home.
But the reality is no matter how many trips to the park, walks outside, fridge covered paintings. It is still lonely. For me 10 years into be a stay at home mom , I've finally got to the point I miss being me, I miss free time, I miss conversation with adults because most of my adult friends work. So while I am home with kids, they are busy and then when they are home they have life to tend to, and I'm still lonely. And a big one is, while being home you lose being built up by people, no one gets excited to see you in the morning, or say goodbye at night. Where I start my day is where I end my day, everyday. The gym is my escape and I take advantage of that 5 days a week. And I know I am blessed and I love being a mom because my kids are never there more than an hour and a half max I feel guilty for being away longer just so I can work out.
I am working so hard on doing every little task for Christ, for finding joy in all of it. And usually I can but right now is just one of those days where you crumble and want something more.
I really miss being in the work world a little bit. And I can't help but think there must be something more for me out there. I am being still and I have been for a few months. Just trying to see and hear what it is God wants for me for my family. And nothing at this point other than a tug at my heart that this isn't all I am made for.
I am not looking for something big and grand. Although I will admit in my heart I've always felt a seed planted that I was suppose to help change the world. And I don't know what that looks like yet.
But I know it's there and when it's reveled it will be grand to me. I thought I found that grand thing last year. And that was just a sweet sampling of what God wants me to do, what he has in store for me.
I need to find other moms who understand this loneliness and want the companion ship of another mom who gets them. I need friends who want me in their life as much as I want them in mine. Not just for selfish reasons.
Here's where I have to tell the enemy to go away and quit letting fear hold me back from finding other people who want simple plain Jane Angela in their life. To do life with them because being a mom is a hard job, whether it's working or staying at home. Life together is what God had planned for us. Not this deep in your pit loneliness. That is from Satan no doubt.
I always thought the quote of " it takes a village to raise a child ", was so stupid. But now, I get it I really get it and it's so true. Not just for me, but for my kids. So my kids see how the world works that my opinions and expectations aren't the only ones out there. I want them well rounded and well loved.
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