I was so nervous more than I can write down. This was something so outside my comfort zone. First of all traveling alone, I am terrified of flying, secondly going to meet 25 women I have never met in real life, in another state in the middle of no where.
This just seemed crazy to me, absolutely terrifying yet I was so excited.
I arrived at the airport on friday after a drive through good old Colorado snow. I was shaking from head to toe and not from the cold but from my nerves. My friend gave me a giant hug and prayed a little prayer for me.
I got my stuff all checked in and grabbed something to eat in hopes to settle my nerves. Sat at my gate and just sat. I felt like a little kid I couldn't sit still. The excitment was like being a little kid at Christmas. I couldn't wait to get there and see what God had in store for me.
I know the only reason I booked a ticket was because of him. I would have never otherwise done that.
Just as I got on the plane and seated one of the most beautiful people ever sent me a text. It read " Travel in Peace; I know God has something beautiful awaiting you in Texas! I love you and I'm so proud of you as you step out of the boat this weekend. Jesus will be waiting you on the waves".
I sat in tears thank God no one was sitting next to me, they would of thought I was a nut job. And the lady in front of me glanced at me once but went about her conversation about partying and drugs.
I knew at that moment God was so very real to me, that he so very much loved me. That I was doing the right thing. I don't think I have ever been told anyone was proud of me before that time. It took 30 years to genuinely hear it, and it was so refreshing.
And she was right. God did have such amazing things planned out for me that weekend in Texas.
I laneded in Texas and headed to baggage claim (which of course my bags never made it to Texas with me). And got Elaine's text telling me where she was waiting for me at.
I met her gave her a big hug and then awaited for Kristi, again met another treaure of the weekend.
We spent the afternoon at walmart getting me some clothes to wear since I had none. Lunch at a mexican place which was yummy. And tons of conversation. Women I had never met before those moments, yet I felt like I knew them forever. Then the hour and a half drive to the ranch in the middle of no where.
I learned about Texas "I was fixing to gain more hope this weekend ya'll". And all about Canada/ I learned Zoey has elastics (hair ties), and eh.
It was a blast. Arrived at the BEAUTIFUL ranch. The pictures we saw before the retreat did no justice to this amazing place.
I was still very nervous as we arrived still worried, these girls wouldn't like me and I would feel out of place.
God calmed my heart as I met them all. I felt like I belonged, and that was true peace.
We spent the nice in community, worship singing songs of worship and getting to know one another.
The next morning arrived and we were blessed with 4 women who pampered us with such amazing meals the whole entire weekend. I didn't know how to take someone doing all the work and cleanup. But it provided us a chance to talk more and just take it easy for the weekend. Did I mention how incredibly amazing the food was? This morning when I woke up and got an email from Cara telling us she missed us and breakfast was ready and getting cold. It made me want to hop back onto a plane and head back.
Saturday we were blessed to have a speaker who has lost 2 babies and a 6 year old. God is using her incredible strength he gave her to give him Glory. We split into small groups and chatted, a lot of times my group got into such deep talk we missed a lot of the discussion questions. But I know God had a reason for that.
We also had a photoshoot with the amazing Tisha, group photos, fun photos and then individual ones YIKES.
We took a walk down to the river and learned about Texas fire ants, how scary bunnies can be when you least except it. Oh and I forgot all about Elaine's stories of vampires and zombies.
I met Kelly and Erin as well, and have to say they both have blessed my life. Kelly has watched me from afar online and told me this weekend how proud she was of the work and transformation God has done. It made me tear up. And Erin starting up Hope Mommies gave me Hope and a family in all of the Hope mommies.
I felt at times I was able to bring Glory to God as well, as I sat and talked to women new in this journey.
Saturday night we went into the dinner room and did an art project. I was VERY overwhelmed with this project at first. We were given a bag with a clay pot that was all broken up in big pieces.
We were asked to paint or write on a few of the inside pieces of a few things that have happened to us outside our control, and then a few pieces put things/pictures of things that have happened to us/or we have done that were in our control. I was panic striken at first and then realized this was just another step in healing. So I took the challenge.
Then we took the pieces of the pot and on the outside of it painted or did pictures of how God has brought light into our lives, the things he has provided us with through all these things. Then I realized my pot was missing a little chunk, I assumed it was my sign I was beyond being fixed. My how quickly I jump to conclusions.
She showed us her finished pot and put it upside down with a candle under it and showed us with the lights off. How God uses our brokenness to let the light shine.
Sunday was another time for community, and food. Then we did a balloon release for all our Hope babies. I love balloon releases and the beauty of them. Then it was time to pack up, and a farewell prayer. I almost cried. It was so hard to believe I didn't want to go , then I was there and didn't want to leave.
God was truly amazing and I am so blessed with what he provided us all with this weekend.
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