In counseling yesterday Rae gave me some homework so to speak and I am suppose to place in on my blog. So here I go attempting to make a list of all the things I am proud of......
1. I am proud of myself for losing 60lbs, it wasn't an easy task.
2. I am proud of allowing God in my life again and giving my life over to him (this should be #1)
3. I am proud of myself for breaking the cycle of abuse in my family.
4. I am proud of myself for letting others love me, and have equal relationships rather than constanly just giving of myself.
5. I am proud of myself for not rolling over and dying after losing my son. It was an option I just didn't take it.
6. I am proud of myself for using the talents and heart God gave me to serve others following many paths I was once on.
7. I am proud of myself for forgiving my stepfather for molesting me.
8. I am proud of myself for forgiving my dad for abadonding me.
9. I am proud of myself for sharing my story with MyLifeFix. It was no easy task but very rewarding in the end.
10. I am proud of myself for being a constant work in progress towards my goal of being the parent I want to be.
11. I am proud of myself for catching myself in old patterns and acknowleding those tapes, lies and attempting to change them. This is still something I have to work on constantly.
12. I am proud of myself for learning I need to be me, find myself and be happy with myself in order to be of service to my family. And be a good wife and mom. As well as no guilt in doing so.
13. I am proud of myself for getting out of the boat on several things, issues lately. The Hope Mommies Retreat, feeling free to praise God in church how I see fit without worry/codependancy issues.
14. I am proud of myself for learning boundries in relationships I was never taught growing up and applying them even when not easy.
15. I am proud of myself for not giving up when things are uncomfortable. But maybe reaching out and asking for help. And in turn not feeling weak for asking for that help.
16. I am proud of myself for learning my tears are precious to God and not such a horrible attribute I have.
17. I am proud of myself for loving my kids the way my heart says to.
18. I am proud of myself and my family for taking on raising a child who isn't biologically ours and yet loving her as she is.
19. I am proud of myself for learning and starting to accept my family or origin is broken and that's ok. I still have a family who loves me, it may not be the ones who are suppose to, but the ones who want to.
20. I am proud of myself for starting to feel comfortable in my own skin.
21. I am proud of myself in letting go of the guilt and shame connected to my sexual abuse.
22. I am proud of myself for doing the 6 month long Incest surviors group a few years ago.
23. I am proud of myself for stepping into groups such as the grief workshop, shift and step study. Knowing it would be hard but seeing the fruitful blessings that would come of it.
24. I am proud of myself for speaking up for myself.
25. I am proud of myself for honoring my son's life even though he isn't here and doing what my heart says is the right thing in regards to him. Even if it makes other's uncomfortable. I can acknowledge that, that is their issue not mine.
26. For saying I was rapped and be willing to work on it, despite the fear, pain and worry that is being brought up, by rehashing it all again.
I was a little worried about this task but a year ago even I wouldn't have been able to accomplish even 5 of these. I have grown so much and I know the credit all belongs to God for this. I have become so much in learning to lean on him and trust him. He is so faithful.
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